The other day, I met a woman, online
A supposed healer, offering her services for a free half an hour
I signed up, curious.
What ensued was a lambasting of my soul, under the auspices of “healing”. In fact, she said it was my soul that was wanting me to change.
I was analysed, to death, in the space of those few minutes as stuck and in denial of what is really happening and as someone with so little self-esteem because, if I truly meant what I say to my partner, he would pick up my strong, self-assured vibrations and change by agreeing to get help with his issues.
I was accused of having blind spots, of not going deep enough, of using lack of money as an excuse to not confront my inadequacies.
In the middle of our half an hour, I felt the shutters coming down – this woman was encouraging me to look into my heart while tearing into me with her well-meaning words. There was no way I could connect with my sacred heart while all that was going on.
Later, I firmly declined to spend what is a fortune to me right now, on letting her go into my akashic records to release me from my stuckness. Her response, in her words, was to not mean to “browbeat” me but that I have been stuck for years and if I don’t do something which I have never done before – her once in a lifetime akashic soul searching session – then nothing would change.
This experience has raised some serious questions for me. Those that know me will tell you that I am not one to shy away from inner work. I have worked, in depth, with my stuff for a very long time and I do explore things that I have never explored before. That’s how I came to be a hypnotherapist and EFT practitioner. It’s how I came to study and practice craniosacral therapy. It’s how I went to a man last year for help with healing my innermost issues around being a woman.
As a therapist myself, this experience showed me, once again, the importance of creating a safe space for people when they come for help. It reiterated the necessity to not make assumptions about people. This woman really does not know what I have been though or what I have done to heal or even how deep or not deep I have been. It is dangerous to assume that your clients are ignorant. Also, even if you do believe you have some power to access unseen realms, watch out for arrogance and thinking that just because you can do this, you are right. The work which I do with clients is to assist them to access their own inner wisdom – it is not about going to get the information for them. It is about teaching people that the wisdom is within. We can guide, but in truth, we cannot access the truth for others as truth is relative and sometimes biased.
This kind of spiritual arrogance sets up an experience of powerlessness – we rely on others to go and get the information and tell us how and why it is that we are a certain way – but because we think we do not have such an ability, we think you cannot do this for ourselves. What this means is that, mostly, people land up believing that what the psychic/spiritual practitioner told them is true. They have no way of verifying this information. Giving your power away to someone in this way can be dangerous and demeaning.
What this experience has shown me is that, as healers, we need to take care when working with others. At the end of my half and hour, this woman said: “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you feel more depressed, but you need to look deeper, your soul is asking you to change.” If I was not someone who has a deep and strong connection with my inner-self and if I was not aware of the manipulation that was going on, I might have done something harmful to myself. Again, as therapists, we need to be very cautious when working with others. We need to build trust, we need to encourage people to find their own answer , we need to treat people with love, respect and compassion and not judge them as being unable to change without our help.
Carol Cooper-Steyn is a social worker who has worked in the fields of child protection, child and adolescent sexual abuse and paediatric palliative care. She qualified as a craniosacral therapist in 2002 and is a certified non-medical hypnotherapist and an emotional freedom techniques (EFT) and matrix reimprinting practitioner. Her clients view her as an incredible ‘soul coach’.